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Last night I read this website that talked about discerning demonic spirits. It was the same website where I learned about the sifting process of hearing Gods voice. It had a lot of truth to it. Although, what I read last night was very discouraging. 

The site talked about going to mediums, listening to hypnosis, doing yoga and wanting to experience the supernatural. Those are all the things I used to do. 

It said the Christian way to do it is to demand answers from God. That is something I do. 

The reason it makes me feel discouraged is because whether it’s right or wrong constantly hearing about what I’m doing wrong makes me less confidence. It makes me question every thing I do, believe, and stand for. It makes me question are the confirmations I have received from God? 

The site said the devil can read your thoughts. So maybe the devil knew what I needed so he gave me a piece to lead me on. The devil can use scripture to manipulate so maybe this is all just a lie. 

I feel like if this were not a lie then why hasn’t it happened yet? Why is it taking so long. Hearing about all the things I do wrong doesn’t make me want to keep believing. It makes me feel like giving up. 

Repentance is changed behavior. The more I’m required to change the less accepted I feel whether its good or bad. 

I just want the truth and the fact the baby hasn’t come makes me believe that maybe the truth is right in front of me. 

Unfortunately I won’t trust God or have faith or hope if that’s the case. My sister says she applies the principles of the Bible and God. She just takes God out of it. I’m starting to believe maybe that’s the way to go. 

I feel like God and the devil are my parents going through a divorce asking me to pick a side. Whether good or bad I feel like their both manipulating me and bribing me. Gods like if you choose me I’ll give you the desires of your heart. The devils like if you choose me well there’s never really anything good about choosing the devil but his choosing is choosing not to believe in God. Maybe I just won’t pick either. It’s not that I wouldn’t believe in God, it’s that I haven’t received what I need to commit my life to Him. 

See this is my testimony. I’ve gone through my life going back and forth with God and this time this is it for me. This will either be my testimony of what led me to God or the reason why I chose not to follow Him. 

My prayer is God do something in my life I know only you can do. That’s what I need to follow Him. 

If what I believe right now isn’t what He has in store for me then I’m done because what I believe will never be right or enough. 

I believe what I believe for a reason and if what I believe isn’t from God or wasn’t put in my heart from God or I misread things or whatever then oh well damned if I do damned if I don’t. 

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