Taking a 3 week break from updating. To be continued…
I’ve talked a lot about the spiritual warfare side of this experience. I was told to make sure to write down what God has revealed to me so I can look back on it during times I’m feeling weary.
So here is the revelation God has given me:
1. He has allowed other people to feel the baby move on the outside.
2. He gave me two scriptures Hebrews11:1 and Proverbs 3:5
3. He gave me a video of movement I can see from the outside
4. He gave me a journal that I found in our bookcase behind a plethora of books that had Hebrews 11:1 as the referenced verse when everyone was telling me to get a journal.
5. He revealed to me that my great grandmother went through a Cryptic Pregnancy and gave me a picture of her with my grandfather
6. He spoke to me through Robert Morris video called Frequency reminding me I am estrogen dominant so needed to start taking progesterone and what can happen if your hormones aren’t at the right level (which has made a huge difference)
Those are some of the things that I remember right away. Here are some physiological things that have happened that reassure me I’m still pregnant:
1. I have had 2 incidents where I lost total feeling in my legs. I was unable to walk and could only use my arms to support myself.
2. I felt a HUGE drop when I was squatting down to help my dad lift a fridge.
3. I can feel movement on the outside on my hand.
4. Excruciating pain in my lower parts.
Random things that have happened that make sense when looking back:
1. A support group for Cryptic Pregnancies was handed over to me.
2. Whenever I am ready to give up something very profound happens to keep me going. A song, sermon, a friend calls, something happens that speaks to me in such a specific, exact way in which I am feeling.
These are just some of the things that I hold on to that keep me going.
The areas I need revelation/understanding in:
- The length of these Pregnancies
- Getting direct obvious answers to questions, not things I can put my own ideas into.
- Breakthrough, why are there not substantial results?
I want to be a good example for others to come to Christ, but right now I need His help in doing so because I do not feel my life is a good representation of one.
I’m asking God show others what you can do in my life so I can be a testimony, not just a wish or hope.
I came across these videos the other day when I was on Facebook. Sarah Jakes Roberts takes every single thing I have been feeling and says it in this sermon.
The first two videos are short 2 minute parts of an hour sermon. The last video is the whole sermon!! The whole sermon is spot on and worth the watch!!
A friend sent me a link to the video below. I listened to it today during my nightly walk. The chapter was right on. I believe it really summed up what is going on in my life right now.
I need your prayers more than ever now. I’m at a crossroad.
Im ready to throw in the towel.
Pray for deliverance of my Cryptic pregnancy
Great Revelation of my Cryptic pregnancy
Strength and healing
It’s easy to give up and that’s why I want to do it. My whole life has been hard. Why should I continue to accept what’s difficult?
Every day we hear stories about someone who turned their life around. I was on Adderall for 5 years so the fact things have changed isn’t a surprise to me, but nothing has changed that I didn’t do on my own.
Things are getting better, but nothing that isn’t common when someone is turning their life around. Nothing that has happened or changed is something I know only God could have done. It happens every day.
See what led me to get off my Adderall was an additional prescription called Citalopram. I didn’t know and wasn’t aware that taking those two together is like mixing vinegar with baking soda. Major drug interaction. In the beginning it was great because all my anxiety was gone so I was actually doing things I wanted to do. BUT what I didn’t know was that the citalopram was building up in my system from taking it every day. It wasn’t until it was too late that I find out about the drug interaction.
I had started to experience extreme anxiety, shakyness, paranoia, hallucinations, etc etc and the bad thing about it was that it was so intense that I couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was going in my head. My PTSD took over and I started to experience panic attacks and everything else that comes with it.
It has taken a long time for everything to get out of my system. It’s obvious why things would change from coming off of drugs. Life throws curveballs like that all the time. Life is life. Things happen. People change. It is what It is. But how do we know God has anything to do with it?
There are so many deviations of things:
Someone who is a psychologist would say I am experiencing some psychological issues.
Someone who is a Chemsist would say it is a chemical reaction.
Someone who is a Christian would see this as spiritual warfare.
Someone who is a teacher would see this as a learning experience, growing.
The only way to really know the truth is to wait and see what happens. Wait to see the result.
Something was revealed to me today – the flipside.
The people who have said “I think it’s the devil manipulating you, making you believe you’re pregnant” let’s run with that for a minute. I like to consider all options.
In the Bible it says the devil can use scripture to manipulate people or do whatever he wants with it. So if the devil is manipulating me then the scriptures Hebrews 11:1 and Proverbs 3:5 could have come from him.
The doctrine I read last night stated the devil can read your mind… so that would mean the devil knew getting me to believe I am pregnant that it would cause me to end up not believing in God. The devil knew when I take time and effort to seek God and understand who He is and talk with Him and do my part, that I would need God to do His part by keeping His promise… so if the devil convinces me to believe I am pregnant and it doesn’t happen then I would blame God causing me to turn from Him and the devil winning.
The way I would look at it is if God is supposed to be my father, my friend, my protector then if the devil was manipulating me why would he not step in? Why would he not protect me? Why would he allow me to believe in something that he knew what ultimately cause me to not have a relationship with him? Because one thing I do know is that I will not have a relationship with anyone who would lead me astray… whether it’s natural or supernatural.
Do you see what I’m saying? This would mean that everything that has happened, the opportunities that have come my way, the people that I have met were all there for the Devils scheme. So the very thing that was meant for me to turn to God would be the very thing that would turn me away from him. Why would God allow such a thing to happen during a time He knew He could save me?
The very pregnancy that has developed me into having faith, trusting God, having confidence, believing and is changing my life is the lie not the lies that cause me to doubt it?
When I say it on the flipside my logic is like that doesn’t even make any sense. Although Cryptic Pregnancies don’t make sense, what they do does.
I drove out to Arizona (my favorite place) last year. I took off in my Jeep with about $100 to my name. Chose to live in my car and see what happened. Best decision of my life.
When I did it embarked my relationship with God. I felt the same way as I stated earlier. The only difference is I didn’t care.
I told my mom I feel like God and the devil are fighting over me and I’m just sitting here watching.
That’s what I mean by two parents fighting over the child. It gets to the point where it’s like you guys fight I’m done.
Last night I read this website that talked about discerning demonic spirits. It was the same website where I learned about the sifting process of hearing Gods voice. It had a lot of truth to it. Although, what I read last night was very discouraging.
The site talked about going to mediums, listening to hypnosis, doing yoga and wanting to experience the supernatural. Those are all the things I used to do.
It said the Christian way to do it is to demand answers from God. That is something I do.
The reason it makes me feel discouraged is because whether it’s right or wrong constantly hearing about what I’m doing wrong makes me less confidence. It makes me question every thing I do, believe, and stand for. It makes me question are the confirmations I have received from God?
The site said the devil can read your thoughts. So maybe the devil knew what I needed so he gave me a piece to lead me on. The devil can use scripture to manipulate so maybe this is all just a lie.
I feel like if this were not a lie then why hasn’t it happened yet? Why is it taking so long. Hearing about all the things I do wrong doesn’t make me want to keep believing. It makes me feel like giving up.
Repentance is changed behavior. The more I’m required to change the less accepted I feel whether its good or bad.
I just want the truth and the fact the baby hasn’t come makes me believe that maybe the truth is right in front of me.
Unfortunately I won’t trust God or have faith or hope if that’s the case. My sister says she applies the principles of the Bible and God. She just takes God out of it. I’m starting to believe maybe that’s the way to go.
I feel like God and the devil are my parents going through a divorce asking me to pick a side. Whether good or bad I feel like their both manipulating me and bribing me. Gods like if you choose me I’ll give you the desires of your heart. The devils like if you choose me well there’s never really anything good about choosing the devil but his choosing is choosing not to believe in God. Maybe I just won’t pick either. It’s not that I wouldn’t believe in God, it’s that I haven’t received what I need to commit my life to Him.
See this is my testimony. I’ve gone through my life going back and forth with God and this time this is it for me. This will either be my testimony of what led me to God or the reason why I chose not to follow Him.
My prayer is God do something in my life I know only you can do. That’s what I need to follow Him.
If what I believe right now isn’t what He has in store for me then I’m done because what I believe will never be right or enough.
I believe what I believe for a reason and if what I believe isn’t from God or wasn’t put in my heart from God or I misread things or whatever then oh well damned if I do damned if I don’t.
When God works in our lives it comes with a process. With that process comes change.
The change I really appreciate is going back to being non judging. For years, I was very judgemental, critical, and would often make accusations that weren’t always true. I’m not happy about this behavior but I wasn’t doing it on purpose.
Through this tribulation I have learned you never know what someone is going through. No matter what it sounds like or seems to be it isnt always that.
I’m learning to listen and not assume or jump to conclusions because I don’t know what’s really going on, it isn’t up to me to know.
You never know. Anything is possible. And with God everything is possible.